Q: Why do you freak out every time you are alone and quiet?
A: I begin to question my motives and my foundation.
Q: what is it that you are questioning?
A: whether life or myself is worth anything.
Q: what makes you doubt its worth?
A: inability to make sense of the things i believe in most (God, right and wrong, progress, love, etc.)
Q: why do you doubt God?
A: because i feel no connection and see little evidence and the bible is full of flat out disgusting things about him.
Q: why do you doubt right and wrong?
A: bc i don’t see how they could exist apart from a creator.
Q: why do you doubt progress?
A: because i doubt my ability to determine which way is up.
Q: why do you doubt love?
A: because i see so few examples of the real deal.
Q: so what does all of this have to do with being alone and quiet?
A: i think i keep myself busy and invested to push past all of my anxieties and hope that my subconscious or my life experiences will sort them out for me.
Q: then what happens.
A: every time i am left alone with significant time to think, i realize how clueless i am. Recently, i have been aware of it even when i am busy. I can hear my inner voice having to remind me to stay focused on the job at hand in order to not meltdown when i am out with friends or at my jobs.
Q: and thats what you mean by progress as self medication?
Q: so what are you trying to do here, now?
A: i was hoping that tracing my steps backward and examining them closely would help me realize where i was going off track.
Q: is it working?
Q: then what?
A: get busy again. Wait for my brain to catch up with my feet.
babe promised me SLC Punk wasn’t too heavy to watch this late at night
and didn’t want to stay up with me once he realized that it depressed the heck out of me and I wasn’t going to sleep forever
my question is
can i hold this against him?
as he snores next to me and i am watching the minutes tick past 4:00 am??
TAKE A PICTURE OF MY RIGHTEOUS FURY
first night off social media and i found this treasure this is the evidence i needed i am never coming back
(this is an early recording/version of my favorite song of all time, by my favorite band of all time)